With Twin Peaks Season 3 nearly here it makes sense to totally and utterly immerse ourselves in that strange and wonderful world. We have some super-cool (and slightly weird) things you can do every day to enhance your life with a daily dash of Twin Peaks.
5 Tips for Getting Ready for Twin Peaks Season 3
1: Make that gum you like come back in style:
Let’s start with an easy one. Start chewing gum again. Can you remember what gum you chewed in 1990? If you do, buy it and chew it. Chew it all the time. Chew it everywhere. Make sure everyone notices. When they ask you why, explain to them that roughly 25 years ago it was your favourite gum and that you are bringing it back into style. Then offer them a piece and ask them to start buying it and chewing it as regularly as you. If they are a true friend they will support you in your quest. Keep this up and pretty soon that gum you liked will be back in style. Nice going!
Do it when?
Chew daily. Seize every opportunity to promote your favourite gum.
2: Get decorating:
Buy red drapes for your living room (and bedroom if you can get away with it). Granted this is a tricky one. Not everyone loves red drapes. Best to just install them without consulting anyone. If they don’t see the benefits of red drapes immediately (duh, why wouldn’t they?) here’s a few things you can say to try and convince your partner, parent or whoever to agree to you turning the bedroom into the red-room:
“What red drapes? I think you must be color blind”.
“I thought you put them up?”
“They’ve always been that colour.”
“Tough. It’s me or the drapes.”
Do it when?
Daily: Take a moment each and every day to pretend you are Agent Cooper and walk around your drapes.
3. Start talking to yourself…
Talk to yourself out loud and start every sentence with: “Diane…”. This may confuse some people at first – be patient, not everyone has seen Twin Peaks. Take a moment, offer them some gum and quietly explain that you are pretending to be Agent Cooper (until 2016). Once they understand most people will find this perfectly normal. Starting every sentence with “Diane…” can be a little tricky to begin with – it takes some practice. Keep it up and in no time you will be master it.
Do it when?
Daily. This is great fun when or sitting on a bus / train / plane when you are sat beside someone. I.e. “Diane, remind me not to eat so much Chipotle before travelling”. This often has the pleasant effect of those surrounding you vacating their seats thus giving you more room.
4. The Bob Face
Practice your Bob face and use it to try and scare people. No one can deny that Bob’s menacing clenched-teeth grin and wild eyes doesn’t make them want to wither in utter fear. This one takes some commitment, but the rewards are massive. Hide at the end of someone’s bed and slowly creep towards them making your Bob face and they’ll be changing their sheets once they’ve stopped shaking and crying.
Do it when?
Practice often to get it perfect, it will pay off. Then use it whenever you get a chance. Ever forget to lock the door when you’re on the toilet and someone walks in? Make the Bob face at them as they open the door and they will never do it again.
5. The sound of Twin Peaks
The new soundtrack to your life, this one is a total no-brainer. Choose your favourite Twin Peaks songs, whack them on to your phone and play them everywhere you go (out loud, not on headphones. For the full effect you need other people to hear it too). Don’t add too many songs at once. I find it’s best to have a few select songs to match different daily scenarios so I can play at them right time – too many songs and you’ll spend most of the time shuffling around trying to find one that suits your situation. Here’s a little example to get you started:
Starbucks: Audrey’s Dance. You’ve gotta love that scene. Audrey dancing to Angelo Badalamenti’s weird, floaty jazz number. Do the same whilst waiting in line for your coffee in the morning. If it is busy make sure to turn it up loud so everyone can hear. If you are lucky other TP fans will dance with you. If someone tries to stop you, offer them gum.
On the Toilet: Blue Frank. You forgot to lock the door. You see the door handle start to turn. You instinctively start pulling your Bob face – as you do, play this (very VERY loud):
Do it when?
As often as you can. Try and match songs to your daily routine and play them all the time. Here’s another quick tip which I do – I play Dance of the Dream Man whilst dancing amongst my red drapes of a morning. This way I tick two items of my Twin Peaks immersion list. Sweet.
Wrapping it up:
So there you have it. If you have followed these five simple steps then you can consider yourself primed and ready for Twin Peaks Season 3 in just a few days’ time! Let us know how you get on with these tips in the comments. And of course if you have any suggestions we’d love to hear them.
“Diane, remind me to lock the door more often when I go to the bathroom.”